Disillusioned Discordian

A Guide to Briton
May 9, 2008, 2:03 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Drawing deeply on the well of inspiration that is the featured items on Yahoo’s homepage… actually my sense of the world is becoming strangely affected by this site. Yahooification if you will. Well some bright spark has come up with a guide to describe us brits. It’s summation is uncannily accurate

“As a glance at the tabloid newspapers will confirm, England is a nation of overweight, binge-drinking reality TV addicts,” it says.

Yep we are addicted to binge drinking. In fact we now only binge drink to fuel media stories about binge drinking, such is our depravity. Yahoo has it’s own binge drinking news page where you can keep track of the latest news from the front-line where stuck up neo-labour health ministers who need a decent shagging do battle against the uncouth Viking/Saxon/Celt hordes.

“Reserve is still a key national trait — attempting a conversation with a stranger “can be seen as tantamount to physical assault”, the guide says — and a person’s accent is the equivalent of a consumer brand.”

They obviously have only been to the south east. In Yorkshire you can’t get down the street with out a discussion on the various merits of whippets and pork pies.

“Social inequality is rife, too, as “a tiny aristocracy, who in some cases trace their roots to the Norman Conquest of the eleventh century, still own most of the land” and there is an attack on creeping materialism.”

Yep damn right, mostly european invaders make-up the aristocracy. We even tried a civil war and managed to cut one of the bastards heads off. We ended up with a complete religious nutjob leading us instead. Still Charly boy now does Duchy Originals that has helped absolve him of much ill contempt and Harry occasionaly dresses up as a Nazi which provides a good level of entertainment value

“The guide also rails against “identikit” provincial towns and “overpriced, under-funded public transport”.

Yea thanks for that tesco’s, I actually disagree about the public transport. There are now many first class companies providing dynamic transport solutions in a challenging and ever changing world ….

Foreign tourists are also warned that the English are “the most contradictory people imaginable”.

Aside from leprechauns

But the guide is not entirely negative, reserving a soft spot for the country’s love of animals, generosity to charities, irony, its openness to refugees, thriving arts and culture and the soothing quality of BBC Radio 4.

Soothing quality of Radio 4??? Has this person listened to John Humphreys grilling politicians in the morning? It’s like reality hitting you like a ton of bricks before the warm dreamy feeling has even left. Nietzsche would listen to the today program in a cold bath. The Archers theme music is about the only soothing thing about radio 4, reconnecting us with the joy of folk music.


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