Disillusioned Discordian

Parris Hilton in Terroist ‘pinned lighter’ attack
July 2, 2007, 10:06 am
Filed under: Mumbo Jumbo

Moon23 has just learned the startling news.  A suspect terrorist has attempted to set fire to a Paris Hilton news story with a lighter. Police sources say this lighter may have had it’s safety gaurd removed and been rigged up to high to ensure maxium damage. The commie-terrorist failed to achieve any significant level of combustion due to the recent damp conditions and resorted instead to feeding the script into a dangerous ‘shredder’ like machine. This type of machine is thought to be the type banned under new anti-terror laws. The advertising industry has placed itself on high alert over fears that revenue might be affected by a public backlash against the great Satan of consumerist celebrity culture. The dangerous spread of rational law has been blamed for brainwashing people with books and ideas about democratic rights.  Instead people are urged to stay in-doors and watch the television of further announcements. Kindly the music and advertising industries have agreed to put on a free concert in memory of the people’s princess. 

Meanwhile the dear leader has been successfully regenerated and has insisted that we will not let this backlash against consumerist whores affect our core British values of shopping and getting into debt. Coming out from a meeting with the cabinet all-stars (whilst wiping the spunk from a private equality firm’s CEO from his lips) Brown insisted that the government will carry on with business as usual. As such the planned meeting on further reductions to our civil liberties was not delayed by the attack and announcements for further tax benefits for buy to let landlords went ahead as scheduled.


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